It’s Not About The Ring
We are getting married! This is not a drill, despite Tim’s many attempts at psyching me out. Tim proposed in the tiny house and it was very thoughtful and simple and us. Of course, we are over the moon and are soaking in the joy of this season and the many more to come.
It seems from our experience that when you get engaged, there is one main question: “When is the wedding?” and one main request: “Let me see the ring!” The first question has been a bit funny because the answer has been: “Uh, we literally just got engaged and are calling you before announcing it to the rest of the world… so we don’t have a date yet.” The answer to the request is a bit more complicated.
I’ve already made it abundantly clear on this platform that I think diamonds are a joke and a waste of money. That being said, Tim did a fine job picking out a good-looking ring…on Amazon. That’s my future husband! I would much rather have that money go toward something of real, intrinsic value to us, like an experience. Wedding rings shouldn’t have to cost a 3 months salary!
The tricky part is that broadcasting my views on bling anonymously on a blog means that some of my friends don’t necessarily know that I couldn’t care less about the fiscal value of my engagement ring. My closest friends know my general feelings, but it’s taboo, and I need to be careful not to offend fellow ring-wearers.
Ever since Tim and I got engaged and shared an announcement photo that didn’t show the ring, my family members, friends, and strangers I’ve met have been asking about the ring and cooing over it like it’s a baby or something. “Can’t wait to see it!” “Oh, it’s perfect!” While I agree that it’s perfect, it’s (still) not about the ring. It’s about the person I’m marrying and me. A symbol of eternal love is invaluable no matter how much he paid for it, and that love is more valuable than a ring or any consumable product.
I’ve found it challenging to respond to the ring comments. It’s polite and ladylike for others to express interest, and inquiring about a piece of jewelry is exactly that. But again, Tim’s and my love is more than a ring, and although I have been guilty of doing the ladylike thing in the past, I find this social routine to be a bit shallow.
Am I supposed to launch into a spiel about how ridiculous I think it is to waste two months’ paychecks on a diamond? (Tim says, “If that’s the rule, I make very very little.”) Do I show off the ring and say nothing about my opinions? Should I gently explain how I feel about rings just to break a taboo? The answer is that I’m not sure. I’ve done (almost) all of the above. But I feel that it’s wrong to fall under the radar and into society’s expectations without a second thought. I want to smile and excitedly tell the ladylike folks, “He bought it on Amazon and it’s exactly what I wanted!” because it’s true. But I haven’t yet.
My traditional yet open-minded mom would think the concept is extreme. A few of my friends (who share this value) would be like, “Amen!” and the others would politely agree and then feel the need to validate their own ring’s fiscal value.
In the end, the ring predicament answer is probably not “one size fits all” (pun intended).
Ladies and guys out there, I’d love to hear how you would respond or how you have responded to the ring question. Where is the line between brash and honest?
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